top of page

Happy Wants You to Cut the Crap!

Happy is touted to be the ‘Most Googled Star’, its on everybody's social media but you don’t know the real Happy Yet. Read away to find out what this analogy has to say.

If you’re watching TV, you’d be hit by the news of a missing celebrity ‘Happy’ since a few days. There were concerned fans and well-wishers weeping in front of the cameras, also clicking selfies with the reporters to capture their short-lived TV fame.

There were few of the many who were clueless in regards to his whereabouts but looked desperate. His friends when questioned said, “Happy is a bastard, he once was our friend. He no longer is and has only himself to be blamed for that.” They refused to give further details and left the reporters hungry for more.

To those of you who know Happy only through his appearances on your feed, he is a popular celebrity and has a massive fan following on social media. People from all over the world look up to him because of his motivational disposition, charm and few other to-be-identified good qualities. He started his career quite early in his childhood and has been in the showbiz ever since. None of his contemporaries come closer to his exceptionally incredible fandom. Happy is merely a teenager right now but already has a title of ‘The Most Googled Star’. Don’t ask whether he is a film star or a musician or an Influencer. He is just a celebrity, nobody knows what exactly he does for a living.

There was news of Happy just a couple of weeks back when he had a massive fallout with his close friends. They spilled crooked beans for a gossip tabloid which brought him a serious degree of negative press. He was accused of being phony and ostentatious with his friends; and that he reeks of double standards behind the doors. The tabloid ran that story for days and earned quite a lot of profits. Even with such a mix of reputation, Happy manages to be in people’s hearts and mind in an effervescent form.

Although why would you care or rather, should you? It a choice that remains at your sole discretion like any other thing in your life.

Psst! Take this secret to your grave but nobody is concerned about Happy. You can see droopy faces checking their feeds to hear from him because they have ads to run and lives to influence for their click-bait benefits. With Happy, the work gets easier as they believe that only he can make people feel good about their monotonous life. He evokes that sense of security in them to appreciate the simpler things in life that are otherwise, not even worth mentioning or capturing through their sleek screens. For instance, when he drinks morning coffee by the sink, they believe that it’s worth appreciating. Happy is celebrating birthdays at the orphanage, he is soaking his feet in the water, he is enjoying the sun rays, he is walking on the grass, and he is eating an egg for breakfast in bed — an egg, for crying out loud. Yadda Yadda! People now imitate Happy not just on social media but nearly in every sphere of their life.

This epidemic has spread to such an extent that doctors have coined a mental disorder named after him, they’re tweeting about it too. But then, there is something about Happy! If you ever meet him, you may get to witness what everyone has been talking about — the one who makes people want to live.

Life is really short, let’s find Happy and be done with it already? Shall we? Rumor has it that Happy goes hiding in his vulnerable space. If you work out regularly and have some great cat-like reflexes, we may climb up to his apartment & sneak upon him. This could be your first-hand experience at paparazzi.

(Human, why do you keep stopping to click a picture? Climb faster.)

That’s Happy in flesh and bones. A view we have been emotionally slaughtering ourselves to witness. Look at him staring at his feet for no reason. Aren’t you excited to get to know him up so close? He sees us lurking behind the tinted window panes and politely invites us to join him for a cup of organic hibiscus tea infused with chamomile flowers. We know this because there’s a post about it on his Instagram page.

It’s great to be on his couch, sitting opposite him. We could be so rich just by writing about how we’re friends with Happy. It’s okay, we can alter our conversation about an inch or so. But now that we are here, face to face with the ‘The Most Googled Star’, what do we talk about?

While our minds are wrestling for words, Happy is patiently watching us and reading our body language, anticipating our opening line. What’s oddly surprising is that we practically invaded his privacy and neither has he shredded us into pieces, nor he is calling security. This is enough to give us goosebumps at the oddity of the situation.

(Human, don’t you even think of clicking a picture of Happy without his permission. It’s rude. Behave!)

And just then,

Happy: What are you two thinking?

Human: We don’t think you’re a phony. Really! Are you though?

(Human, you can be a moron at times.)

Happy: Huh! How did you know where Happy lived?

Human: I didn’t know, he knew it. He told me if we wrote stories about our friendship with you, we’d be rich. If you must know, I protested.

(Human, protesting in your imaginations doesn’t count.)

Happy: Happy always heard rumors about how some of his fans think if they consume some form of grass, he would magically appear in front of them. How much have you consumed to hallucinate that you are his friends?

(Human, why did you do that? Keep quiet.)

Somebody Unimportant: You didn’t go missing, did you?

Happy: Happy was never missing. Happy got bored at that stupid social event and came back home. It’s tiring entertaining people who come to see happy so that they could show off on their social media profiles. Happy feels objectified too. Off the topic, Happy wants that Marry Poppins to shut the duck up too!

(Human, why is Happy talking as ‘Happy’ about ‘Happy’? Now that’s too much of 'Happy' to read in a sentence)

Human: You don’t sound like Happy. Happy loves people! He lets us believe we can approach him anytime and anywhere through the simplest of the things. You, on the other hand, Sound drunk and tad bit needy.

(Human, now is not the time for word vomit.)

Happy: You’re talking to the Happy who is not ‘Happy’. He goes by the name FOMO, doesn’t wear underpants. Whenever he bathes and the lather slithers down his body to go to the drain, it satisfies him. He believes that his wrongdoings are washed off by the most expensive body shower he bought himself to uplift his mood on the days regrets take over. If you must know, Happy is tired of whisking ingredients of an ideal lifestyle for others while he stands at his door waiting for a sign. The endless wait for someone who need not look in his eye and still says, ‘You must be tired’ instead of ‘I need you’.

Human: Listen, with all due respect we don’t have a lot of time. Can you tell us something interesting?

(Human, this is why I don’t trust you. You’re the center forward of bad timing)

Somebody Unimportant: Wait, I’m feeling the need to interrupt here for a moment. Human is perpetually ill-mannered. Happy, what were you like in your childhood?

Happy: I was … Happy.

Human: And now you are not?

Happy: Were you even paying attention before? With you guys, conversations are monologues presented in front of witnesses.

(Human, think before you speak. You won’t get Happy with these stupid questions)

Happy: You both are here to catch me in a vulnerable state, get rich and I am giving you the dirt. That’s happy! The one who fucks himself and blames others for the lows in life. You know why? It’s because of you — neither can you leave me alone nor accept me the way I am. And when I do want to hide and disappear, you suddenly realize that I’m the most important piece in your puzzle of life.

Human: Well, we do love you. You’re the reason why I chase money.

(Human, there are few things you should never reveal — your real intentions being one of them. I don’t think, Happy needed to know the truth.)

Happy vomits on his expensive clothes.

Human takes a series of pictures of that.

Somebody Unimportant stops typing after having finally concluded that Happy is not ‘Happy’ after all and is not that interesting as he claims to be on the internet.

What a bummer!

bottom of page