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Hey There Average, You’re Sexy!

Told through an odd analogy, the write-up could either force you to stop reading mid-way in confusion or encourage you to react to a different perspective about superficial standards of beauty and subtleties of conscious marketing

Disclaimer: Well, this is not quite a disclaimer. This may just be an attempt to condition your mind with a perspective without intentionally participating in any objectification which is going to follow up after this. But if you closely pay attention, you may just nod in the end. It is okay if you don’t — It’s not like this is a paid partnership and I MUST influence you or I will fall obsolete!

The beautiful tea-bag was dwindling by the bin, dripping down her remains. Who could have done such a horrid thing, wondered everybody present on site. Some preferred to keep mum, some did not even bother and some were shedding a train of tears — like that would get her back.

After a brief investigation by the officials, it was said that her death was probably caused due to prolonged exposure to high-temperature water. Many were murmuring about how human is probably responsible for her untimely demise and she could have been saved if his intention was humane. After a few weeks, the post mortem report came in and slapped the reality to everyone’s face. The tea bag had died due to high doses of artificial flavor in her system– the newly imported ‘blueberry’.

You know, it is interesting how people claim to be close confidants of the dead but can’t stop sharing their secrets to boost a quality relationship. Can you blame them? Attention is priceless, who would want to shoo it away? The best part is that you would not be cornered and confronted if you reveal the secrets of the dead. Well, if you are loaded with a lot of things you want to keep hidden under the carpet — DON’T DIE. Period.

Imagine! Your personal life being broadcasted all over the news! Your Whatsapp chats combed in and out. The trauma of your photo gallery being displayed in front of your family — oh that would be downright horrible! Hilarious episode — but horrible. The tea bag must have not even calculated all of this and given up on her will to live.

“She had undergone surgery to become slim, how do you think she suddenly became attractive. It wasn’t yoga, duh! I never told this to anybody!”

“She never had any friends. I was the first one who accepted her the way she was. Although, a lot of credit for her fabulous makeover goes to me.”

“I’m pretty sure she suffered from low self-esteem. That’s why she must have drugged herself with exotic flavors to appear appealing and desirable! Poor soul!”

“I heard human and tea bag had a secret affair and were once caught making out in the morning. His lips were purple with her flavor and she looked flushed, so this piece of information doesn’t surprise me.”

“Human has a history of being repulsed against anything with flaws. No wonder she had to ditch her warmth for purple and pull him.” The gossip was endless and so was the reverberation post the release of her reports. Rumor has it that just before the final wisp of her life dripped, she threw a curse on the human which would lead on to becoming the central erogenous zone of his dissatisfaction.

Few XYZ years later, blueberry was a commonly performed surgery. Every tom, dick and harry had his shop shitting profit by the hour. What started as a mere death of some tea bag was suddenly a sensation among all the tea bags in the world. Everybody wanted to be perfect, to be a ‘wild child’ or ‘controversial dame’. Her story was a bestselling novel and even a blockbuster motion picture, inspiring every young someone to stand out among the crowd.

‘Who brewed in purple to be seen, but alas!’

Exclusivity was a common sight. Everyone had a perfect aroma, perfectly balanced taste, the leaves were always fresh and left a beautiful purple stain on the lips which once upon a time had become an insanely scandalous but envy-worthy piece of the trend.

Healthy and warm ones were no longer in demand, everybody proudly flaunted their tinted artificial colors and flavors. Add some more advanced features like air-light, slimming and honestly — there are too many to remember.

Soon, they also fell into the trap of low self-esteem for being perfect, err, too perfect! Nobody turned their heads to steal a glance at them anymore because who would get excited looking at their walking mirror reflection? Off the topic, scientists were running out of jobs since cloning was no longer their expertise only.

The tables began to turn with the ball now in the court of the average tea bags. What caused this? Since everyone started to look the same, feel the same — human lost his interest in perfection — it became unbearably boring.

“Why do not look at me anymore? Am I not sexy enough now?” “I’m sorry! It’s just that’re perfect.”

One evening, alone and disappointed in his room, Human could not help but remember how the warm brown shade of tea bag felt like. How subtly it tingled his palettes and awakened his senses with her bittersweet taste. The torn sides and uneven leaves gave an interesting touch and felt cozy against his skin. He sheepishly craved for the one he tossed into the bin that day.

“Frankly, you’re just average. I mean if I look around, I could find hundreds like you.”

His words just before blueberry happened to her, now secretly regretted. Human immediately stood up on his feet and started searching for the average tea bags again. It was a struggle he did not know of and never experienced such dearth of averageness that once upon a time flooded his 360-degree view. He went everywhere! He went to the supermarket, café, farm, shopping mall but tasted only failure. He left no stone unturned into finding the ones with uneven textures, faded colors and bruised bags. It’s ironic how all of this was suddenly exotic, exclusive and sexy for human.

Dear Reader,
If you ever studied economics, you would have remembered coming across the concept of ‘diminishing marginal utility’, if simply put, states — “the more you have of something, the less you want to have more of it.”

If only Human could understand that it’s his lack of appreciation that has landed him up in such an odd situation. Reader, if you think he will never find what he wants — you are wrong. Ever heard of a magical word called marketing?

Human began his qualitative and quantitative research on a mass scale. He then used the most disposable platform at his hands — social media to initiate the dialogue. He designed the campaign in such a way that every tea bag could be targeted and influenced without the end result in another creation of mass blueberrism or averageism. It was as balanced as his words.


The tea bags felt uplifted and understood. They could finally open up about how painful it was to maintain their exoticism or how they are okay with being flawed. Many went back to adopt their pre-blueberry avatar while there was still a majority of them who confidently choose to continue their artificial colors.

It was truly a successful campaign as Human was now considered to be somebody they could relate to, he was nothing less than a social figure now. Everybody admired him for his honesty and integrity — a messiah of the tea bags!

With a little bit of carefully chalked out strategy and tactfully written messaging, he won the hearts of many— exotic or healthy, flavored or plain, bruised or aromatic!

Human, with this brilliant marketing skills, sold the idea of beauty and social acceptance packaged in the plastic of individuality and became the master juggler of “It’s just that .. you’re perfect” and “Hey there average, you’re sexy” and used it at the right place, right time, with the right audience for his benefit!

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